Intimacy

60 comments

  3. I always think, if there’s one person experiencing this or that then there must be many more that have experienced it. In that way we are never alone and I believe as creators of art, music, strips we are appointed to share our experiences and feelings so that others can come to realize they are indeed not alone in it. ♥ I love how open you are ♥

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    1. Thank you, Elly. I try to be an open book as much as possible. After all, it’s what I want other people to do with me. I think we all have experiences to share that could help others reading about them. At least… that’s my hope! 😀

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    1. It’s kind of shocking how many couples out there that it affects. It helps me too when I know that my silly little comic can speak to someone else going through this same thing. It makes the honesty worth it. 😀

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    1. I’m so pleased that it did. I felt like I was doing something quite unseemly and inappropriate at the time I created this strip. Thankfully, I’ve come to my senses and have realised that this is exactly what it needs to be. Thank you as always for reading and commenting, Faith. 🙂

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  6. This was a really good strip. Some men when they hit their ?mid? late? 40s, really have a testosterone drop. and I have been told that lower testosterone can cause depression for them, too. I think it’s great how you show something intimate here…cartooning therapy…

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    1. This was something I only just recently found out. I’ve always had depression anyway but a lower level of testosterone does also appear to have contributed to this state somewhat… certainly in the last few years when my depression has been much worse than it ever has. This was cartooning therapy for sure!

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      1. This has been coming up in my marriage of late. It hasn’t been enough of an issue/often enough to be much bother to me (especially because men seem to want it so much more than women!) but it is a sort of colossal disaster to my husband. Also, he really isn’t good at expressing his feelings such as depression so that will translate to something like I’m not paying enough attention to him. When I think it’s more like, I’m down, I’m depressed, I’m sad, I need you to comfort me and reassure me and show me extra love because I’m down. Some men can show all of that (my six year old is really articulate that way) but most men don’t. I really feel like we are on different planets and that I never realized as a girl how different most men and women think and feel and experience things.

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        1. That is true. We all have deep feelings and desires and insecurities and whatnot, but we do seem to process these experiences differently. I think this is where a little more understanding on both the parts of men and women for their spouses couldn’t go astray. I don’t think it’s an easy thing to achieve though. I certainly haven’t mastered it.

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          1. Idk you sound like a pretty sensitive or responsive guy based on the drawings. I grew up with a father who could not deal with any emotions at all. I know that men, particularly American men, deal with their own and others’ emotions better than the older generation. But I think also that women don’t really understand that men are different. A lot of women think that men think like them and for the most part, I don’t think it’s true! That’s part of the reason for the confusion/sadness/mess with sex. Women and men are on different trajectories for the most part (although I DID want to be Anais Nin when I was younger…)

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            1. I’ve yet to sample Anais Nin’s writings. She seems to have been an extraordinary woman… empowered even. And sex really is a mess. I’m afraid I haven’t figured out how it works yet, and it’s a constant source of frustration for me. Like you, I suspect it’s because men and women are wanting different things from it, and rarely the twain shall meet. (I think I have that expression right…) And, thank you. I do like to think of myself as pretty tuned in when it comes to the sensitivity department, but even I still have much to learn I’m afraid.

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              1. Yes, that would probably be a good way to describe her. She was adventurous, ground breaking, and appreciated women’s eroticism. My formula is this: Women= taught from very early age that their value is in their appearance, sexual attractiveness. They are attracted to men in general to take care of them, if not financially, men who will “complete” them because they have been brought up to be insecure without reassurance and incomplete without a man. Some of them will look for money/power (or many). Others will look for a man who is their intellectual superior and then some will really look for an equal partner, but in general, most women are not satisfied with themselves at the core. They look at sex as something that will attach men to them, that will create emotional intimacy, they plunge into relationships (no pun intended) that are physical because they crave emotional intimacy and reassurance, not realizing that men look at easy sex usually as cheapening the woman, looking at sex and women more as commodities in a certain sense and that men need challenge and a chase. The greater the challenge and chase, the longer they sustain with the same woman. Once contested, the woman is often mostly disposable. Women also don’t understand how short a time they have before they are less attractive to men (say, after age 26) because men like women they feel they can influence, control, who will defer to them, who won’t challenge them, won’t argue with them, won’t boss them around, won’t demand too much. The awful thing I think is that women are now having children without husbands and with multiple fathers, which is just harmful to children.

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                1. Yes, it is a complete mess, I have to agree. I think historically (and even now) men were groomed to be the “head of the family”. It was on men to be the strong one, the provider, the dominant personality in any relationship they have. I think this sells men short. We are so much more than that but you wouldn’t know it the way we cram ourselves into this mould that’s been fashioned for us since birth. I can only hope that this is something we unlearn. Give us time. Maybe we’ll get there in the end. 😛

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                  1. There is a lot of pressure on men to perform (again no pun intended) and many men who are not financially successful or who don’t have a distinguished career have feelings of self-inadequacy, low worth. In a fickle economy this can be a serious problem. On the other hand, I think it’s fine to have dominance, whoever is the dominant one, which will usually be the man. I think women want men to consider them their equals but I don’t think they want a weak man and if anything, prefer a stronger man.

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                    1. I see what you mean. I guess it depends on one’s definition of “stronger” really. I’ve never been one to dominate others in any sense, and I’d also be hard pressed to think of myself as a “stronger” man. Really, I’m just a man. No more, no less. Anything other than that and I get severe anxiety about being able to perform. 😛

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              2. I don’t know that I would want to read her writings, though. I think I read her a bit in French and it was a bit too flighty for me. Not sure. I usually end up reading male authors! But I am my own favorite female author. 🙂 I really like the work of this one woman though..I’ll have to find the name and send to you.

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          2. I think it’s more a cultural issue. Men are taught since they’re kids to be strong and not showing feelings/emotions, and they’re expected to behave in a way regardless what they’re actually thinking or feeling.
            Of course, this is a generalisation and it changes a lot from place to place, and from person to person, but anyway I don’t think it’s some specific… uhm, biological feature but rather something that it’s learnt over time and from an early age.

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            1. I agree with this. There was a documentary on Netflix called ‘The Mask You Live In’ that explored this issue from the angle you’re talking about. It was excellent, and I thoroughly recommend it if you haven’t already seen it. It really opened my eyes, and will probably confirm much of what you already think.

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              1. I didn’t watch it but I will look it up now you mention it. Thanks!
                Travelling around the world and being a stranger in my own country helped to see things from a different perspective. I learnt from an early age that many things we take for granted or natural they aren’t at all, they’re totally inherited from our culture, parents, ambience, etc.
                As Sherlock Holmes used to say “There’s nothing more deceiving than an obvious fact”

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                1. Yes, I think we all take on quite a bit of cultural baggage, and it can be difficult to let go of that in order to look at familiar things with a fresh perspective. I really do enjoy your insight on these things!

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  7. Wow, you are not fucking around! Very courageous and profound strip and podcast. I can’t wait to hear about the Christian part of your life.

    “If you don’t want to know about that, join the rest of the human race that doesn’t give a shit.” Ha!

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    1. Ha ha! Yes, that wasn’t an easy strip to write (let alone draw) and recording the podcast wasn’t a whole lot of fun either. Still, I’m satisfied that I did it because… well, I don’t know why I did it. I’m just glad I did it. The Christian part of my life is something that still causes me a lot of pain so I’m still a little reluctant to say too much about it. Nevertheless, I think that’s a podcast that’s very much on the cards. Thanks for listening, Gordon. ‘Tis very cool of you!

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  10. “Love is two bodies clinging together even in disappointment” , Couldn’t have said it any better Tony ! I don’t know if there can ever be an exact definition of love but if there ever is , this must be it ! I’m so glad I got here to see more of your stuff 🙂

    I hope you won’t mind my stalking of your blog lol I was missing new comics from you so decided to explore some archives of yours. Got around to reading few of them, will visit for more time to time. Wish you best 🙂

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    1. You’re always welcome to stalk my blog, Zee! And I’m honoured that you would take the time to check out my archive. It’s kind of scary to see how far I’ve progressed since those early strips, huh? 😛

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  11. Dear Tony,

    My husband suffers from chronic pain. Too often that pain interferes with… well. You know. But we still manage to be together.

    Be. Together.

    So this in particular spoke to me.

    Thank you for that.

    All My Love,
    Jennifer

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    1. This is the best comment I’ve had so far on this site. I’m so glad this spoke to you because it was certainly meant to. I think there are so many of us who go through these kinds of issues, and we feel so ashamed of it when we needn’t. Thank you, Jennifer! 😀

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  12. This should be in the marriage manual for all couples. Nothing like being naked and insecure. But when a couple can be together despite it all… that’s true love. That’s true intimacy. Another brilliant comic.

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  13. Hi Tony .. you haven’t lost your take on life – and your art is incredible .. the subject a challenging one for anybody … both sides of the bed – many thoughts – Hilary

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    1. I know. It is a bit confronting, isn’t it? But this is how I wanted to convey such a sensitive topic. Don’t worry though. I don’t think I’ll be making a habit of showing naked shenanigans.

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