Black Dog of the Concave Mind

109 comments

  2. I want to hug you, Tony.
    The mind can be so cruel.
    Most potent for me was seeing the bloodied, naked body with nothing, just his voice left to fight with. I couldn’t help but notice the beast overtaking the body, but wasn’t able to get in the last word of how you feel about her.
    I have to comment on the art as well. In many of your comics the naked young man is hung like a donkey. In comics where you are more vulnerable like this, the woman’s body is exaggerated and your manhood all but destroyed.
    Tony, you are not less than any other man or human being for any reason.
    I’m sorry you understand what it feels like to be stripped bare.
    Faith

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    1. Faith, this is a beautiful comment. Thank you so much! You are the only person to have noticed the difference in the size of Ernest’s manhood from strip to strip. That was very much intentional, and you’ve correctly pointed out that it’s based very much on how vulnerable he’s feeling at the time. I am delighted that somebody has noticed this at all!

      And, you’re so right. Being stripped bare is… well, you really wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy, am I right? It’s the worst kind of vulnerability and nakedness, and I’ve felt that all too often throughout my life. Strangely, you never really even get accustomed to that either.

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  4. What a moving portrayal of severe depression and existentialism. The part that resonated most with me (aside from the overall incredible sadness and hopelessness that you managed to capture) wad the bit about indulging in magical thinking. Because. I’ve been there. And I’m not sure how many other people experience the stripping away of a glorious (largely unobtainable and or unrealistic) dream in such a cruel way that they just spiral out.

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    1. Oh, god, yes. I think my whole life so far has been one long, constant unpeeling of layers of dream and expectations… like I’m an onion. The more that falls away, the sadder I seem to get at times. 😦

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  5. This is all so familiar to me… and in that way it is wonderful though all the pain is terrible. The more we all share the less we will feel alone. If I am still here so will you be and vice versa… Keep getting up again because I am loving your work..or just because it pisses that bitch right off….or so we can set up a self help book online book swap …ha!

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    1. Thank you for reading such rawness and not flinching, Kruti. It’s not easy to look at such things. I thought about this long and hard, and the script went through dozens and dozens of drafts before I was able to come to the final version you see now. In all, this took at least six months to grapple with. I need to not take so long about it next time! 😛

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  8. G’day Tony, I am REDdog, I found you over at Lorien’s WTF blog and wandered back for a squiz…my name could be Ernest, it seems. You know the Black Dog well, for such depth of understanding can never come by observation alone. Powerful stuff, therefore I shall proceed with as much caution as curiosity for she will use any door. Respect REDdog

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    1. Michael, that’s exactly who I based the design off of, and probably for much the reasons you’re thinking! You’re the first person to have noticed this so I feel like I should be giving you a prize or something! 😛

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        1. Thank you, good sir. As for the horsehead bookends, I’m afraid the best I could do would be two papier-mâché blobs! Working with hands has never been my strong suit. So, like you suggest, I’ll just keep doing my art instead. 😉

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    1. Or perhaps a comfort. At least that’s what I hope this can be for others who go through it. We’re alone in our suffering, but maybe not alone in that we’re suffering, if that makes sense. 🙂

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  16. Wow. That is powerful. Lots of people think very lowly of those who have/act on suicidal thoughts but nobody gets the daily struggle; that many are not picking up that Exacto to simply “check out” aka give up but to fight against it. Like stabbing depression in the f’in eye… I’ll definitely be back!

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    1. Truth be told, I admire the directness of what you do. There’s an art to conveying things so simply. I think that’s why you have so many devoted readers, and well you should. 🙂

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  18. This is poetry, Tony. The words and pictures are wonderful. Gripped me right to the end. The hardest thing about depression is to find that little spark of joy to lift yourself out of it.

    Sending little sparks of joy to Ernest and looking forward to the next brilliant installment. 🙂

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  21. Aww, man! Ernest is in for a long battle :/

    I was hoping things would get better for him this time.

    when’s it all gonna get better, Tony?

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    1. I’m very pleased that it spoke to you, Jackie. It’s something we all need to acknowledge, I’m thinking. Thank you for reading and commenting. (I love your blog by the way.) 🙂

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      1. I agree! It is something that needs to be understood not stigmatized. The way you presented it was excellent. The feelings mutual about blogs! I do fall horribly behind sometimes though and for that I apologize. 🙂

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  24. Wow, Tony. I could really get a sense of how intense this type of depression can be. It made me think about what it must feel like to have that incessantly going on within. A very harsh inner reality that can be hard to rise up against. I think naming and articulating what this can be like is so important. Thank you for doing this!

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    1. I agree, Diahann. It does need to be named and articulated if one is to have any hope of being able to live with depression. I like to think of it as dragging something out into daylight so that you can see it clearly for what it is. Thanks for reading and commenting as always. 🙂

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  25. Sounds like the Delta blues, a Dylan groan, a howling vowel….whew, the rhythm. Raw bones. Ernest has soul…I hope he continues to feel everything. Every thing …
    E v e r y t h i n g. Brave with this and Ernest can be brave with any thing.
    Good one Tony….xxoo

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  26. Oh my, that is a visceral piece of work, and brave. I knew nothing of true depression until now, and I feel so sad for Ernest. I like what Pam said and too hope he becomes the hero.

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  29. This has floored me completely. As I read your words and studied your art I felt the emotions as you had written them and the tears flowed as I could not reach out to comfort Ernest and to stroke his head. I hope you realise just how very special you and your work are to all of us. The lump has risen back into my throat as I write this. Love Chris.

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    1. Aw, Chris, you and Mark are awesome. I harbour this little fantasy that one day I’d have the means to travel overseas and meet some of my online friends. You are both on that list. 🙂

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      1. Same here – then we could all go on to Tennessee to surprise Pam and Jeff. Tony, you are so very gifted and whatever is at the bottom of the well keep on using it and wringing it out. Much love and major respect Chris and Mark.

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  30. “Where the fuck is my sodding typewriter?” Amen, indeed.

    I never thought of it this way before (at least I never quite made the connection), but in its own sick way depression drives (some of) us toward our true path. That is to say, depression is what has always compelled me to write. It is what compels me to make my “art”. I do these things because they provide relief from depression. They soothe me. And in doing them I am closer to my true self than I ever was working for a corporation.

    Ernest dreams of being a “Heavy Metal God”, yet it’s really just idle fantasy. In the end, it isn’t the theremin he reaches for. It’s his typewriter. What a shame the lighthouse is inhabited by no one besides a lonely, jealous ghost.

    Ernest, you done fucked up, man.

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    1. He has. In a big way! I wonder how he’ll claw himself out of this one, eh?

      While it’s something one would never wish upon others, depression can also have the dubious power to compel one to create meaningful art and song and writing and whatnot. Like anything else, there is good with the bad.

      One should stop using the word “one” as if one is royalty. 😛

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  32. Phew! Day-um! Holy shit, Tony!! You illustrated the self-talk…the disparaging mind! You are brilliant! As Mark stated, I literally could not take a breath until the end. So dark, so painfully honest and raw. You know how I enjoy your talent, well this was above and beyond for me. And after the excitement of seeing a beautifully done piece of work I felt incredibly empty and sad.
    Well Done.

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    1. I hope not empty and sad for too long, Jules? 😦 Thank you so much for your kind words though. I’m pleased that it was truthful for you because it was certainly the truth from where I was sitting. 🙂

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      1. Haha. Should’ve completed that last sentence…I felt incredibly empty and sad thinking about the reality of this truth. We that get it have been there and hopefully come up for air. How very alive we are in the depths, huh? The end of your post was perfect too. Thank God for writing instruments!!!!!

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  33. A book without a plot was perhaps a favored line. That’s depression- that sense of purposelessness. That sense that nothing matters.
    And yet- the anger Ernest is experiencing is glaring. The active portion of depression. And therein lies hope.
    The weighing too of Ernest, that his depression isn’t valid since he didn’t experience horrible past events is so true to the depths of sadness. Depression is as much neurological as it is situational and can not be equivocated. It just is.
    Obviously- your friends and fans relate Tony. You were worried you would lose readers but I hope you know you are not alone in talking about depression.
    While I personally will not dwell long in these thoughts (a personal coping tactic)- I do strongly feel it’s important to talk about them. How else will we know that we are not alone? How else will we begin to understand the importance of story? How else will we grow as human beings?
    Now then- from the visceral and emotional reaction to a more intellectual approach….
    Your story telling is superb. You have made us care deeply about Ernest and what he is experiencing. We want to rescue him but as in all great stories, he must be the hero. Please let him be the hero!
    Your drawings are beautiful.
    Bravo Tony BRAVO!!!!

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    1. Your words floor me. Truly. I was indeed worried that I’d lose readers over this strip (and perhaps that may still happen), but it’s the support of yourself and many others here that give me the courage to do what I’m doing, Pam. Black Dog of the Concave Mind really took it out of me, but I’m glad I did it now. Time to move on to the next part of Ernest’s story… 🙂

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  35. Seems trite to say it, Tony, but this is so powerful. I did not take a breath as I was reading it. I was so immersed in the forces that drive it on. So palpable, so raw. Your fear, your anger, your frustration, your determination. The whole piece looks amazing and the black lettering just between the lines I,fear it will be a long haul for Ernest and the work, of course, demands it but that line toward the end “now where’s my typewriter?” – it’s a glimmer of hope, yeah it’s more than glimmer. Fuck the depression Tony, fuck the fear.

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    1. I’m glad you are at the other end of that conversation, Yves. It really is self destructive talk, isn’t it. I mean, I know it, you know it, all of us who go through this know it… and yet still we return to it.

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  38. The visual image of depression is horrible and effective. Poor bugger. I want to put a blanket over him and get him a cup of coffee or tea or whatever he needs.

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